The Mess before The Miracle

I think if I had to pick a verse that represented my journey the past seven months it would be John 9:6-9. “After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing. His neighbors and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, “Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?”  Some claimed that he was. Others said, “No, he only looks like him.” But he himself insisted, ‘I am the man.’” In this scene Jesus is healing a man blind since birth. What’s crazy is we are all born blind. We are stuck with a perpetual blindfold over our eyes until Jesus reveals himself to us. In that moment, the mask that’s been covering our eyes vanishes and we have a choice to walk with Jesus or to walk away. I did my fair share of walking away. Some days it felt more like sprinting away. Although I wasn’t physically blind, I was blind to the pain in my past. I was […]

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God wants me to use the F word?

  Lately, I’ve been fighting against forgiveness. It’s not that I don’t want to forgive. It’s simply my sinful heart intervenes and my brain likes to remind me of the pain in my past. When someone hurts me my natural response is as easy as 1-2-3. 1. Get Defensive  This might look like, “Well, I MAY have done that BUT you DID XYZ which is way worse.” I may want to control you and my insecurities led me to look through your phone, but you talked to your ex-girlfriend and lied to me about it. I make sure to take the spotlight off my sin (jealously, insecurity, control) and shine that sucker right back at someone else (cheating and lying).  2. Seek Revenge If I can’t be happy then you definitely don’t deserve to be happy. You hurt me. I will strategically think of ways to seek revenge. I don’t get mad. I get even. Sound familiar? Ideally, our happiness should not be dependent on our circumstance or people, but we are human and sometimes we find our happiness hangs on to another human. It doesn’t make it right. It’s just reality. 3. A Match Made in Misery They say misery loves company. […]

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Future Forgiveness

Omnipresent. Omnipotent. Omniscient. These words, used to described God, in my mind painted a picture of a creepy creator instead of a comforting creator. It described God as some supernatural stalker instead of someone who sent a savior to die for my sins. Oh, but how grateful I am to grasp the gospel now and delight in the description of God being all-knowing, all-present, and all-powerful .  Deuteronomy 31:8 reads “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave your nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”  Man, God has gone before me? How do I begin to wrap my mind around that? He knows what the future holds and he holds my future in his hands? Now, this provides peace and encouragement. When I think about the struggles I will face in the future it fortifies my faith knowing I am not alone.  I have someone on my side who will NEVER leave me. He will NEVER forsake me. That’s a promise. But, then I got to thinking about this verse and meditating on the idea that God has foreknowledge. Wait, if he is all-knowing then when I get caught up in […]

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