You can still wear white

Christian women with low self worth

I woke up my heart racing from another vivid dream. In this dream, I was distraught, crying out and repenting for not keeping the marriage bed clean. I wore shame like my personal scarlet letter, dragging it around with me wherever I went. The closer the day came to walking down the aisle the more I felt unworthy to wed Ashiram. I tried to shake the shame away, fumbled to the bathroom and repeated Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” No matter how many times I said it, I still felt the weight of the woman I used to be. I eventually gave up, looked in the mirror and pleaded in prayer, “God help me to see myself as you see me.” As I began to tell Ashiram, my soon-to-be-husband, about my dream he sent me a song that came to mind as he prayed for me. Simply reading the title of the song brought tears to my eyes. As I listened to the lyrics, my tears quietly flowed down my cheeks. Through these words, he shined a light on the shame that was strangling me. “Baby you can still wear […]

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Fear of Rejection

Over the years this paper slipped between the fridge and counter at my mom’s house. I still remember the day I was handed this tiny piece of paper. All the kids were chattering about their high school rank and wondering who would be at the top of the class. Nobody had announced it and everybody was eager to know. Intrigued, I hesitantly walked to the counselor’s office to find out where I stacked up on the list. She scribbled on this piece of paper, told me congratulations and passed it my way. Out of 505 students, I was number one. Perfect GPA. I folded this piece of paper so tightly you can still see the lingering crease marks from years ago. I was completely shocked. Once word got out, the kids at school no longer called me Tiffany, but referred to me as “number one.” I’m not sharing this to toot my horn or reminisce on the glory days. I’m sharing this because this fragment of paper represents my deeply rooted fear of rejection and failure that I’ve been paralyzed by for years. Would I have graduated first in my class? I don’t know. But what I do know is […]

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The cure for the Insecure: Overcoming the Illness and Infection of Insecurity

 The Illness: What is Insecurity?  Insecurity:Uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence. “she had a deep sense of insecurity” synonyms: lack of confidence, self-doubt, diffidence unassertiveness, timidity, uncertainty, nervousness, inhibition  I’m not happy to admit that lately words that I normally wouldn’t use to describe me have become my norm. As I read this definition again the pang in my heart intensifies. Not only does it relate to my state of mind the past couple of weeks, but I also know in my heart being insecure goes against who God has created me to be. I’ve struggled with a bout of insecurity over the past month. Insecurity has infiltrated my system. I can only write this now because I  can at least catch glimpses of light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m moving forward in faith and my feelings can catch up with me later. The Infection: How dangerous is it?  Insecurity blindsided me. Insecurity took a joyful, compassionate, vibrant woman overflowing with excitement and happiness surrounding a promotion at work and turned her into a doubting, uncertain, nervous, and timid Tiffany. Once […]

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